The Official Retardo Awards Committee, upon receiving the latest nominations, have decided once again to update the nomination period to WEEKLY.
The Latest award goes once again to Mr. & Mrs. R. of Doraville, MN. due to the following Retarded episodes:
Mrs. R., upon reading that store bought catfud was crap, decided to make her own out of ORGANIC chickens.
After spending considerable time mauling whole chicken carcasses into "pieces" with a dull knife, it became clear
that it wasn't going to be a simple matter to just grind up the beast and serve. So she enlisted the help of Mr. R......
Mr. R., being a pragmatic fellow, took the only apparently logical path.
He broke out the Cuisinart Food Processor.
"But Honey, do you think the Cuisinart can really chop up whole chicken bones too?"
"My sweet plum pie with whip cream on top, why do you question
my superior knowledge on these matters? Of course it will chop this chicken to putty instantly!"
5 Minutes later the chicken hasn't moved much, and there's
a funny rubber smell permeating the air......
Mr. and Mrs. R decide to update their outdated latch porch door with a new Modern type Handle, the sort more civilized folk use.
They drive to the local hardware store and rummage through the displays of handles.
Mr. R. finds one that says "Easily installed in 5 minutes by one person" in Chinese on the back of the package.
They rush home and get to it.
1/2 hour later, a good start.......
1 hour later, Mrs. R decides to fill the extra holes with putty, lest they create a surplus draft.
Mr. & Mrs. R. Proudly display their newly modernized door handle!
Mrs. R. checks up on the tomatoes she planted in clay a few months ago.
The clay ought to add extra nutriments to the finished product.
Looking good!
The Retardos had some difficulty with the garbage service for a couple months.
Being desperate due to the pile up of garbage in the garage, which only the flies appreciated, Mr. R., being a pragmatic fellow, decides to take matters into his own hands.
"Gee honey, do you think all the wet kitchen scraps and stuff will burn?, won't it stink like plastic all over?"
Despite the acrid odor wafting towards the house in the breeze for an hour or so, the garbage was considerably reduced.
To the dismay of the flies, the garbage service resumed shortly thereafter.
Mrs. R. decides to build a rock wall to cover the ugly septic tank bank.
(Mr. R. asks)
"Gee honey, do you think those vertical rocks will be stable enough to hold the upper rocks?"
TO BE CONTINUED .........
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